WEDDINGS

The qualities that one should look for in a marriage partner are piety and God-fearing. Neither the boy nor the girl should be forced into a marriage. The bride?s mother?s consent is just as important. According to the Shari?ah it is necessary that when permission is being sought from the bride for marriage that the name of the bridegroom, his father?s name and the amount of Maher (dowry) be mentioned. Nikah only takes place when the bride accepts this. Some excuse should be made for the boy to see the girl without the girl?s knowledge.

The Quran Shareef states: "The affairs according to the consultation amongst them."

The elders of both parties should have a discussion concerning the forthcoming union so that in the event of a misunderstanding between the couple after marriage, their elders can help in resolving the matter. An engagement is not necessary. The purpose of an engagement is to confirm or promise a Nikah, so if in some cases it has to take place, it should be done without extravagance. When setting the date for a wedding it is better that it is set on a Monday or Friday since these days are of Barakah. The tradition of Haldi (putting Tumeric powder) and of Mehendi (putting Henna powder) is also unnecessary and should be stopped, as this has no basis in our religion. Everything besides the performing of the Nikah itself has no validity in Islam. The wedding of Sayyidah Fathima Zahra (radi Allahu anha) should be used as a guideline. The Prophet Muhammad (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam)

could have had an elaborate wedding for his dearest daughter but he made it a simple affair. He knew that the Ummah would use this wedding as an example. Therefore, the custom of songs, dancing, mixing of sexes and many other western practices should be stopped as these are all against the teachings of Islam. Unnecessary financial expenses should be avoided so that the rich and the poor may have similar weddings. It is not necessary to provide a meal during the wedding as this was not done during the wedding of Sayyidah Fathima Zahra (radi Allahu anha). Yes, it is Sunnat to distribute dates. It is preferable to have the Nikah at the Masjid as this is Mustahab. The bride?s residence as a venue for the Nikah is also acceptable.

A man once came to Hadrat Imaam Mohammed (radi Allahu anhu) and related that he had promised to give his daughter everything in this world as dowry and now he finds this task impossible, as even a king cannot accomplish this. Hadrat Imaam Mohammed (radi Allahu anhu) advised him to give the Quran Shareef in dowry as everything is contained in the Holy Quran. It is Sunnat for the bridegroom to have a Walima the day after the wedding. This should be done in accordance with his means.

A loan should not be taken to have a Walima. The poor and the needy should be invited to the Walima. It is stated in a Hadith that the most blessed Nikah is the one in which the least expenses are involved and is simple. After the marriage has taken place, the couple should give time to adjust and be polite, kind and understanding to each other.

A husband should provide as best maintenance as he can and also show love, affection, protection, comfort and happiness. He should encourage his wife to follow the Islamic way of life. He should not speak ill of her parents or relatives and should allow her to visit families occasionally. In the same token a wife should also be kind to his relatives especially his parents and treat them with respect. A wife should manage the household affairs wisely. The wife is given the right of Maher, which can be claimed from her husband at the time of marriage. The Maher should be set with the consideration of the husband?s financial status and the wife?s living standards, her qualities and her family background.

The Maher is a personal property of the wife and nobody can claim a share in it without her consent. Greed for excessive dowry should be avoided. In case of any disagreements, a husband should not be hasty in giving Talaaq as in most cases the act is immensely regretted bringing about a lot of pain and misery. In most cases of differences or problems, it is the man that walks out, gets married again and lives a happy life and it is the wife who is left helpless, as the man refuses to give Talaaq. Therefore, during Nikah an affidavit should be drawn up by the bridegroom saying that if he goes missing or remarries while still married to his wife, or is cruel, or unfair towards her, or even does not perform his rightful duties towards his wife, etc. then the wife has the right to take Talaaq. This should be done after making necessary affirmation of Nikah.

The Qazi (Muslim Judge) should make negotiations from the man?s side and the women must accept by laying her conditions, that in case of so and so, etc. she should have the right to take Talaaq and be free of her husband. Insha-Allah, the husband will not ill-treat his wife and he will be just and fair to her safeguarding her from misery. According to Shari?ah there is no objection to this kind of solution. A wife should not be forced to live or to perform any services for her in-laws as Islam offers her the right to choose. If she chooses to do so as a favour to her husband, she will be rewarded.

It has been stated by the Prophet Muhammad (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) that if it was allowed to make Sajdah (prostration) to anyone after Almighty Allah, he would order the women to make Sajdah to their husbands, and on the husbands, remember that you have four fathers in this world: one is your biological father, second is your father-in-law, third is your teacher and fourth is your Peer-o-Murshid (spiritual guide). If you speak ill of your father-in- law, know that you have spoken against your father as well. A successful man is one whose wife and children are happy and content with him.

The Prophet Muhammad (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) has declared: ?Fear Allah regarding women. Verily, you have married them with the trust of Allah, they have rights over you in respect of their food, clothing and lodging.? (Bukhari) The Prophet Muhammad (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) has also said: ?The most perfect of the believers is he who is the best of them in conduct, and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives.? (Tirmidhi) Women enjoy a very high status of respect and honour in an Islamic Society.

As a wife she is the queen and mistress of the house. She manages the house and brings up and trains the children. She enjoys full and complete social, religious, cultural, legal and economic rights. She has the rights in her father?s and husband?s properties.